


Maybe Someday

by justkeepdreaming



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Love Letters, Natasha Romanov Feels, One Shot, POV Natasha Romanov, Short One Shot, winterwidow - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 17:15:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17532926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justkeepdreaming/pseuds/justkeepdreaming
Summary: Natasha writes Bucky a letter that she'll never be able to send.





	Maybe Someday

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for a one-shot competition that asked writers to use song lyrics in a short story.

James,

I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I'm sitting here, writing you a letter, like it's going to make a difference. Like you're going to somehow remember me.

But I don't know what else to do. I can't tell anyone, I can't tell Steve what you mean to me, because I don't think he'll understand. I don't think anyone will understand. Not even Clint knows the truth. How can I tell him? How can I share something I can barely even put to words on a piece of paper?

When I saw you again after so many years, after so many restless nights, it felt like getting  ** _caught in the riptide. I was searching for the truth_**  for so long, but...there you were. 

I'd spent years questioning why I met you. Why I had to fall in love with you. Why you had to be ripped away from me. I still don't know why, and I'm sure  ** _there was a reason I collided into you_ , **but I'm so incredibly grateful that I did.

Maybe I deserved it, maybe I deserved to lose you, as some sort of penance for all of the wrongs I've done. There's so much blood on my hands, James, that I find myself  ** _calling your name in the midnight hour, reaching for you from the endless dream_.** The endless nightmare that I'm being sucked up, ripped away from everything I've loved and lost, over and over again until there's nothing left of me once more. 

There are  ** _so many miles between us now, but you are always here with me_.** I wish I could tell you that. I wish I could see that stupid grin on your face, the one that made me feel like I was worth something. Worth loving. You always told me that I was the one thing reminding you of what it was like to be human. You said you always felt like some lost soldier who forgot ever had a home until I gave you one, but then they stole you away from me. They took everything we had, and I was left standing - empty handed - as I watched it all slip away like water through my fingers. 

 ** _Nobody knows why, nobody knows how, and_**...James, I...I'm barely keeping it together.  _ **This feeling begins just like a spark, tossing and turning inside of your heart**_ , until you're left broken. Another washed-up failure, with all that's left of me  ** _exploding in the dark._**

I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could do it all over again, because I'd never let you go. I'd remind you of how much I love you every second of every minute of every day, because that's what you deserve, James. That's what you've always deserved.

More than that - more than me - you deserve someone who is whole.

But I'll love you with the shattered pieces of my heart. With all that I am, however broken I might be, until the end of time.

Maybe someday you'll come back to me. Maybe someday we'll be together. Maybe someday this won't hurt. 

You saved me from myself, and - no matter what - I'll always love you.   
  
навсегда.

Maybe someday I can save you.

Love,   
Natalia

 

* * *

 

_Lyrics from "Here With Me" by Susie Suh ft. Robot Koch._

_Caught in the riptide_  
I was searching for the truth  
There was a reason  
I collided into you  


_Calling your name in the midnight hour_  
Reaching for you from the endless dream  
So many miles between us now  
But you are always here with me  


_Nobody knows why_  
Nobody knows how and   
This feeling begins just like a spark  
Tossing and turning inside of your heart  
Exploding in the dark  


_Calling your name in the midnight hour_  
Reaching for you from the endless dream  
So many miles between us now  
But you are always here with me  


_Oh inside me_  
I find my way  
Back to you  
Back to you  


_Calling your name in the midnight hour_  
Reaching for you from the endless dream  
So many miles between us now  
But you are always here with me  


_Two words_  
In your hands  
In your hearts  
It's whole universe  


_You are always here with me_


End file.
